The Month That Was; Of Politics and Idle Talk.

This has been quite the amazing month in our political sphere and in Kenya at large. I really don’t know why comedians stick to the rubbery tasting tribal jokes when we have all this going on. Some amuse, some befuddle but all are part of our dear Kenya.

Uhuru ‘big talk, no walk’ Kenyatta was at it again making a long-winded hollow address justifying the Anglo-leasing payment that will be(had already been) made. He took a swipe at the AG’s office for the failure and said that he has kept his stance but ‘was forced’ to make the payment otherwise we would not be eligible for the upcoming Euro-bond issue. The president who led a house committee investigating the matter back in the day had this to say about Anglo-leasing on April 5^th 2006-

“I have no fear in saying that those individuals have no loyalty to this country but to themselves. They existed in the previous government and exist in the current one,” he said, referring to the Kanu regime under which the deals were conceived and its successor, National Rainbow Coalition, whose leaders steamrolled the gravy train.Unless this House takes appropriate action, they will continue to exist even in the Government to come,” warned Uhuru, then the chairman of the Public Accounts Committee (PAC), while moving the motion for the adoption of a special audit report on procurement of passport issuing equipment, one of the 18 shady contracts.

To simplify his statement, we are paying companies that the court ruled are not legally recognized entities in Kenya, money for services never provided. The president already knows is a nefarious scam to milk our coffers but he’s doing this so that we will be issued with the upcoming Eurobond then miraculously recover the money afterwards. We shall also have a fifth inquiry set up with the first four having never seen the light of day and probably having all the information needed.

The poignant look on his face, eerily similar to a popular North African president when things go wrong, has become a trademark look when the rubber hits the road. Calling this the lesser of two evils is an affront to our intelligence. We are paying off money in this shady manner so that our credit rating doesn’t dip for a few more Euros? What of the integrity and sovereignty of our beloved nation? It sets a very dangerous precedent if we pay out and we'd have opened the floodgates for endless claims to come. Politics is a complex sphere, I must admit but swimming in clearly murky waters is inexcusable.

Githu ‘the mortician’ Muigai has, as all politicians, left the kitchen after it got too hot. He’s been under fire after the scathing attack launched on him from all sides with the president blaming his office and the LSK asking for his head on a silver platter for the loss of the case which will cost our tax-payers 1.4 Billion. The usually composed learned friend, who’s an expert in THE law ( it sound like an item, doesn't it?) was frazzled and had an emotional response to the allegations and then went off script to say this about the case-

The person before you is the mortician. The patient died on the operating table a long time ago. Githu Muigai is a mortician. If think the patient should have lived, ask the surgeons.

Amos ‘the surgeon’ Wako is not one to acquiesce and promptly hit back in one of the rare public statements that he’s made about the anglo-fleecing scandal that stinks to high heaven.

If I was a ‘surgeon’ as he has clearly indicated in his remarks, then I handed over the office of the Attorney General to a fellow surgeon to continue with the treatment of the said ‘patient’. He took over the office and swore to diligently serve the people of Kenya in his capacity as the principal legal advisor to the government.

Classic reply, Mr. Wako.

Charity ‘the cleaner’ Ngilu also made the cut for the month. She has been a newsmaker for years-allegations of corruption in all public posts that she has held(water and land seem to be her specialty) including her current one, the Parklands Sports Club debacle and many such admirable things. She clearly hasn’t shed her secretarial skin and was in the news for closing down Ardhi house for two weeks to dust the files. She’s suddenly turned over a new leaf and has decided that cleanliness must be observed and that official who claimed that she assaulted him in Ardhi house was just out to malign her name. Zipporah Kitonyi would vouch for her.Those must have been some really dirty files.

[picture courtesy of politicalmemes.com]

Ole ‘forever clueless’ Lenku's interview recently made me cringe. How could one man be so unintelligent? He was clearly prepped for the interview and when caught off guard he gave the same answer without much thought, "follow the law." He has no idea what that law is. He also claimed that our security is in order and that travel advisories were unnecessary. Does he live in the same Kenya I breathe? Should I mention that a day after the interview, the Gikomba bombings happened then the Mandera one a few days ago?

Motion should not be confused with action specifically in reference to the recent nugatory measures taken by the police to 'improve our security' - arresting conductors and drivers, arrests on the basis of not having your ID on your person, banning tinted windows, checking of ID's before boarding PSV's. Apart from the lack of intelligence, how is a meagre 28 million allocated to fighting terrorism supposed to be distributed? It comes up to 595,000 per county. Of what consequence would that be? H.E Uhuru Kenyatta we demand security as a right that we have and not as a privilege as you have interpreted it to mean. We now live in the ultra-realistic game of When Is The Next Bombing Going To Be; available all over Kenya.

Two tour companies dramatically evacuated over 300 tourists from Kenya over security fears. Thomson and First Choice had their tourists transported in convoys under armed guard (I kid you not) and foreign media had a field day with it with spectacular headlines splashed across their front pages. It may have been rash and application of double standards but this could be a stark harbinger of what to expect.  If I didn’t live in Kenya, I’d be shocked. Wait a minute, I do live in Kenya and the stories still shock me, they’re more vivid than our local news. A comical twist to it was when our honourable president and in untempered ignorance, told off the west and told them that we could source for alternatives elsewhere (read to be facing East.) Ha.

James Orengo, the Siaya Senator has urged the Jubilee government to declare May 31^st a public holiday in honour of the return of our foreign based opposition leader, Raila Odinga. You can either chose to be in politics or to be intelligent.

Members of the County Assembly have emerged to be the greatest stymie to development in Kenya playing the ‘Do What We Want or We Will Impeach You’ card, quite openly. Wambora and Chepkwony have been the victims with the former clutching at straws but at least now we know which laws we need to tighten.

It’s been a pretty interesting month if you ask me J